I know it’s been a while, maybe you’ve forgotten us, as we are unable to forget you. It’s taken me a lot of time, thought and consideration to write this, and even if you never read it, believe me – that’s not the point.
I don’t want you to think I credit you with single-handedly almost bringing about the destruction of my marriage. We had been walking a very fine line between happiness and despair for a very long time before you came along. Maybe, with time and effort, we would have learnt to stay on the happiness side, and been stronger for it. But, because of the choices you made (along with my stupid husband), things got a whole lot harder, and have only just now started to get better again.
Yeah, I don’t hold you solely accountable. I’m not stupid, or naive. I know that if it wasn’t you, it probably would’ve just been someone else.
But, it was you, and you were more than okay with that.
My husband is an adult, and he knew what he was doing. But, as we all know, you played your part. Because you made those decisions and allowed my husband to make his, with no regard for his family, that family was almost altered forever, in possibly one of the most drastic ways. I was hurt, and will bear those scars probably for the rest of my life. But, and this is infinitely more important, our son was hurt. And, he will continue to be hurt, in countless new and different ways, for a very, very long time.
That is why I am writing this. I think he deserves a voice. This is for him.
Because of your choices, my son was almost left with a broken home. He spent his first birthday with his parents in separate houses, and he had two parties, with one of us at each. He spent the entirety of his second year between two homes, missing one of us constantly. He was witness to his parents’ pain, and stress, and anguish, and he bore it like no toddler should be expected to. He is stronger than the three selfish adults who caused this could ever hope to be.
For that year, he didn’t know security, he didn’t know family, and he didn’t know home.
Again, this isn’t all on you. We all (yes, even me) could have, and should have, handled ourselves much better, both before the fact and after. However, I am doing everything I can to repair my relationships with my husband and son, and fix our family. My husband is doing the same. What are you doing? Do you even know what you’ve done?
Well, maybe now you are starting to get some vague idea.
Because of you, my son lost the family I had always dreamed for him, since I was a child myself and imagining my future, for over a year. More than half his young little life so far. And it was almost gone forever.
But, just over two years on, we are coming to a place where we are happy. I am happy, mostly. I don’t, and never did, place the burden of my marriage solely on your shoulders. You were just the straw that broke the camel’s back. While it is true that we will never be able to forget you, I have to say I don’t think of you often. When I do, it’s with the honest hope that you find the happiness you almost destroyed in my family, and that we have worked so hard to restore, leaving you far behind.
And, I hope if you do find this happiness, that you endeavour to deserve it.